April 26, 2015

Whom would you like to be friends with? Why?

Laura: For me this is almost the same question as the recent one about reading someone's mind. So you might refer back to April 21st, 2015, for that entry.

In my life currently, I am connected loosely on Facebook to a friend of a friend who I've met a few times at certain events (Melissa Meyer, who is a good friend to a handful of Twisted Pixel wives). She is one of those people who seems to be one who is equal parts intelligence, empathy, faith, love, hope, fitness, joy, priorities, motivation, courage, and goodness. I'd love to become better friends with her, because very few people I know fit that description and it's the kind of person I want to surround myself with, and I aspire to become more like her.

Naveen: It's so weird, like I could say Einstein. Yeah, it's cheesy, but ok, Albert Einstein. I would like to be able to have a conversation with him, like have a podcast with him and learn more about him and his theories. Oppenheimer.. asking him about what he ended up doing and what he dedicated his life to afterward.. those people are fascinating.

Another one that's more personal might be my own grandfather, my mom's dad. I'd like to know what he thought about certain things. When I was a kid, my relationship with him was different, and now when you're older, your perspectives on life change and you wish you could ask people like your grandparents about their thoughts and experiences. I would ask about morality and different lifestyle choices, bigger things than what you think about when you're a child. And maybe I wouldn't have liked his answers, and maybe we would have disagreed on certain things, but it doesn't mean we'd hate each other. For example I disagree with my mom about religion (particular Sathya Sai Baba, or Sathyanarayana Raju), but we still get along. But of course if my grandfather and I discovered we had like minds or he could enlighten me, that would have been wonderful. You're not always going to be able to apply one person's experience or wisdom and reconcile it with your own -- everyone's life is different than yours. But my favorite thing about learning elders' wisdom include where we can find common ground. Like marriage. It would be interesting to learn about my grandfather's marriage, his views on my parents, his view on being Indian and our country of origin, things like that. I don't care about listening to older people complain about how they don't like what younger people are doing these days. I want to know about things that matter, relationships. I'd want to hear about his life as a young Indian, and my mom when she was younger, and learning about the origin of my parents. My mom isn't a sheltered lady, she had to take huge risks and she wasn't handed everything, and as crazy as she is, she actually does know something about what I've been through and does have relatable experience, so I can only imagine my grandfather as having some similar qualities.

April 25, 2015

When did you feel confident in yourself?

Laura: This is an interesting question because it reminds me that there are two kinds of confidence in oneself: there is the confidence that others instill in you, giving you an inward happiness, and then there is the confidence that rises up in you seemingly out of nowhere that gives you strength, pride, courage, tenacity, productiveness, spirit, and an outward glow.

I always grew up with that inward happiness. So much of my confidence was derived from pleasing others and getting their recognition. This started of course when I was a young child with very appreciative, generous, encouraging, doting parents. But it also extended into school, where I expected that same level of reassurance from my teachers and classmates. The time that I felt most inwardly confident was the time in junior high school when we had an award ceremony, and all of us students were up in the bleachers, and we had previously secretly voted on a single student in the school who we felt were worthy of a memorial award for someone who we look up to as the best, someone we aspired to be more like. And I won that award. Or at least I was nominated. I honestly can't remember, because it doesn't matter. They said my name and I had to stand up in the crowd. I think I did stand among a few others called for that award, and I truly can't remember if I won or not. I was the meekest, quietest, dorkiest (if not weirdest) kid, but I liked to listen to people and encourage others, and be a good person, and somehow that had won over popularity. I was (and still am) extremely stunned, even if it was only a nomination. It felt wonderful that the school as a whole was willing to recognize me in that way.

Another childhood example of feeling confident, but outwardly, was when I was in junior high school in a strategy-building extra curricular group. I think it was called O.M., but I don't remember what it stood for. There was a presentation we had to do and everyone was nervous, and to boot, when we began our time, our overhead projector stopped working, and while everyone else was a deer in headlights, I quickly thought to look to the wall to plug it in. I acted quickly and jumped right into the presentation, almost without skipping a beat. It made me feel good to be a quick-on-my-feet presenter. There was also a time when in grade school I had the part of the narrator for the Christmas play, which had the most lines. It was the longest part -- and they also gave me another speaking part where I had to pretend I had an accent. It was a big responsibility and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I rehearsed well with the group, could pick up from somewhere in the middle if needed, and loved the whole process. But the night we opened to show our parents, as I stood behind the big curtain, I suddenly forgot everything. I wondered how I could possibly forget everything right before I began to speak! It was frightening and I didn't have a cheat sheet, because I never needed one. But it was gone - the words in my head were gone, and I could have flipped out and ran away offstage, but instead the curtain opened, I walked up to the microphone, and it all flowed out of me from some previously inaccessible part of my brain. I was so happy that I had practiced so much and felt so lucky that it came back to me right when I needed it.

In my adult life, it's harder to say when I feel confident in myself. I act fairly self-assured but there are many what-ifs in my life. What if I never work in animation again? What if I'm too scared to buy a house, or start a family? What if Naveen gets tired of me or I get tired of him and our differences become irreconcilable? What if I spend the rest of my life in this zone of fear and never accomplish anything else relevant to me or my family or the people I care about most? So now, I feel most confident in myself when I can confront or overcome these what-ifs and make an educated, solid choice. I also gain confidence when I recognize flaws and make a solid plan to reverse them and get better, or take action. A recent example of this is my health - in December, I couldn't blow up a balloon for a baby shower, but the 8.5 month pregnant friend and her 60+ year old mother in law could do it easily, so I knew my respiratory system wasn't what it should be, and I felt heavy and ill-equipped in body. It was a scary thought that a person who used to be active in band and some sports could be so out of shape now. Fear can be paralyzing, and even still there may be a desire to "numb out" with food, alcohol, or other additions (online socializing, watching tv, sleeping too much, etc).  So instead I've made a choice to join a gym, get a trainer, and get fit. I'm aspiring to lose just 15 pounds to get into a healthier, more normal weight range, but so far after almost two months I'm feeling stronger and better equipped for life, which trumps weight loss any day. I'd still like to lose the pounds though, so I'm sticking to the plan. It's not always easy, and often leaves me feeling tired and sore, but the fact that it's a goal and I'm working toward it gives me confidence.

I also like my long hair, and generally happy with my body image, minus a bit of a belly and love handles. Depending on the day, I may feel pretty comfortable seeing myself in the mirror - a far cry from me at my heaviest weight when I got out of college and didn't recognize myself anymore. Anything I do to improve my own self-worth and self-image boosts my confidence.

Naveen: I've been feeling pretty confident at work. You have days when you are putting out fires and it's hectic, but those are days when you feel like, "wow, I have a skillset and I'm in demand," and it feels good. There was a time when I was in a class and two other students from an advanced class came in to ask our teacher for help, and the teacher asked me to come forward and help them with their problem. He was actually a bit stumped and knew I could do it. This was a time when I minded my own business and didn't advertise my abilities, not wanting to impede on others' learning. But my teacher showed trust in my skills, and I felt very proud and confident.

April 24, 2015

Who helps you when you're afraid?

Laura: Naveen, without question. I've developed some pretty strong anxieties since we moved to Austin, some we can trace to certain triggers, and he always helps to remind me in the moment what is happening, what might have triggered me, walking through the logical steps and trying to find an accepting mindset to allow moving forward and out of the fear, particularly when it is "unreasonable" by normal standards. When I am really afraid, when I have real reasons to be fearful, even in times of doubt and emptiness I still call upon God. Even in my moments of least faith, I hold out a breath of hope that goodness, God will prevail, and everything will be all right.

Naveen: Laura. She reminds me that I should keep going, and shouldn't be afraid. She reminds me about my best qualities and that I should be proud of myself. When you're depressed or hit a problem, it's really easy to just think of the worst aspects of yourself and to think that everything you've ever attempted to do is a sham. It's no mystery, you think of every negative aspect of yourself or your life. It's easy to feel like the lamest person on the planet. But to get reminders of all of the little tiny positive things, it helps put my mind at ease. It reminds me that I'm fine, I'll succeed, I have this job, people say good things about me, so OK, I'm not a total failure, look at all the things I've accomplished.

April 23, 2015

How would you describe the place where you live?

Laura: In a word: Oasis. Austin, TX and vicinity are likely the only places in Texas where I would happily live. Certain parts of Houston and Dallas and their suburbs are okay, but Austin is reliably a safe, easy-going, mild-weathered, weird, crafty, brunch-loving, young, healthy, farmers-markety, startup-friendly, tech-friendly, booming city. We suck at infrastructure, but we're happy when we actually get where we're going.

Naveen: My home is cozy (albeit a little cramped), and full of all my favorite distractions. I look forward to the day we'll have more storage so our rooms can be more full of things we actually care about (rather than all the storage out in the open too). Austin has access to a lot of really good things but still has a small town feel, so it feels like a cross between somewhere suburban and a bigger city.

April 22, 2015

How do you usually get to school?

Laura: ...In a time machine.

I used to take the bus. If I had an appointment or missed it once in a great while, mom would take me, but roughly 97% of the time, I took the bus. I didn't have my own car or even my license until I was 25. That's another story for another time.

So, if I apply this to work, I get to work by climbing into my car under the carport outside our apartment, driving the winding path to the front gate, taking a right turn onto Slaughter Lane. Then most days I'll hop on I-35, and get at least to the Oltorf exit before I start cheating -- if the traffic is heavy and slow, I'll take the Oltorf exit but get back on using the next available ramp, cutting about a quarter mile of traffic. Then I'll do it again at Woodland. And sometimes I'll even do it at Riverside and beyond, even though there are traffic lights, if the traffic is really backed up. Either way I'll leave the highway and frontage roads eventually taking a left on famous 6th street, ever bustling, take a right up on Brazos and another right on 7th to get to my building. Alternatively, if the weather's bad or I'm on Slaughter and can see that traffic on the I-35 overpass is stop and go, I'll sometimes take Congress all the way up into downtown, turn on 7th and park in the garage if I'm lucky and Will the attendant can save me a secret spot so I don't have to pay to park in the crazy crowded street spots or lots. He's so nice.

Naveen: ...like back in the day? I used to drive myself once I had my license, but my brother Praveen or my mom would take me to school in high school, and earlier than that I used to take the bus when I was a little kid.

I rarely if ever take the highway to work. South Congress is a really pleasant, wonderful drive, there's barely anybody on the road and I can listen to my audiobooks. My commute is actually a really enjoyable part of my day.

April 21, 2015

Whose mind would you like to be able to read? Why?

Laura: My own. That's not really a joke. There are times I really wish I knew myself better. I've always tried to live without regrets, but the times in my life I've felt most regretful were times that I wished I had come to know myself better first.

I would like to read the mind of the most enlightened person alive. I'm not really sure who that is. If I could go back in time and read the mind of Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, Helen Keller, Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela. I would love to be able to read their minds to know their aptitude, their strength, their will, their capacity for hope and leadership.

Of our greatest leaders today, I'd like to be able to read the minds of people like Pope Francis, the Dalai Lama, Temple Grandin, President Barack Obama, Warren Buffett, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, young Malala Yousafzai, maybe even Angelina Jolie. I would like to see into their plans in progress, their ideals, their foresight, and raise hope and courage for a better tomorrow.

Naveen: Laura's.

To know what she's thinking and be better able to predict what she wants, making sure I'm reading into her messages correctly. That applies to her because she's the most important person in my life, but the same could apply to my boss, etc. I would like to read her mind so I can better please her and help her out.

April 20, 2015

Did you ever tell a lie? What did you say?

Laura: Sure, I did, once! I said, "sure, I did once!"

Ok seriously, I don't really lie outright to anyone, blatently, but I have told some white lies, including jokes like if Naveen is asking me about something and I'm clearly not doing anything but I reply with "I'm busy." But he knows I'm lying, so there's the question of whether that's really a lie. There's tribal knowledge there, that it's a joke. I also have a tendency to leave out certain facts sometimes, but I generally don't consider that to be lying. In some circumstances yeah, but not when I do it. Ha. That's kind of a joke, but I tend to think of that being a lie only if it works to someone else's detriment. If it's neutral or positive, like a story getting adjusted for crowd pleasing, or a surprise party, I don't really consider that lying.

There was the time when Naveen was turning 30 and his parents were visiting (which he knew), but so were all his brothers and their wives and kids (which he didn't know). The day of his birthday, he asked me if his brothers were coming, and I said "no" so badly it was obvious that I was lying. I'm a really terrible liar.

It still ended up being a good surprise, because one brother's family came way later than the other, so it was a happy surprise to Naveen that all of his family was together for him in the end.

Naveen: Yeah, all the time. But.. what did I say? That's way too specific...

I lied to my mom once about brushing my teeth, but I didn't really. Does that work?

The most fun lie I've ever told was when I went with John to see Avengers "for the first time" but I had really already seen it the night before. It was hilarious when he figured out from the look on my face that I had seen it.

April 19, 2015

What music makes you happy? Why?

Laura: I have always liked movie scores. My favorite movie scores make me happy because depending on what state of mind I'm in, I can relive the movie moment, or I can create a new imagined moment with an entirely different storyline but similar tone. I also get really nostalgic about some music from the late 80s and early 90s, and things my parents used to listen to back in the days of records while I was growing up. These days, I mostly listen to pop music on the radio on my way to and from work. It's not always great, but it's usually upbeat and helps distract from the traffic on my commute. For a longer car trip, we usually put together a mix of music that we have come to love together during the span of our relationship. There's a lot of indie stuff in there but a handful of mainstream and some older music as well, and usually no pop. We're also a big fan of comedic music. Anything to uplift, inspire, distract, fill the space when needed.

Naveen: Positive, high energy stuff, like Daft Punk. Modern takes on funk, like Get Lucky. Uptown Funk. First of all I don't like dance music, but I like stuff that has a level of character where the music itself is a singer, whether it actually has lyrics or not, and you can get into a groove with it. It stands out, has a unique voice, has charm, has a real beat and means something.  It puts me in a good mood and fills me with energy. And not just because the tempo is fast.

April 18, 2015

I hate it when...

Laura: ...I let my fears or anxieties get in the way of something I want to do.

Or, a less serious one ... when popcorn kernels get stuck in my teeth.

Naveen: ...you go to pick something up and end up dropping it and it goes under the table.

Or, a slightly more serious one ... you accidentally use the wrong word when describing something, and a person gets offended, but you really meant something else and you were just being as stupid as humanly possible.

April 17, 2015

If you were a dog, what kind would you be?

Laura: I don't know that many breeds of dogs. Outwardly I think maybe I'd be a golden lab or retriever, but I get along really well with our friend's German Shepherd Huskie mix, Delilah. She's sweet and perky and protective while being a wimp sometimes.

Naveen thinks I'd be a greyhound, because it's very regal in appearance and very tidy.

I think Naveen would be a sheepdog, because he's big and furry and herds people into fun and friendly situations. He's in charge without being overly controlling, and he has a floppy happy face.

Naveen: I'd like to think of myself as being a mutt, because I like mutts. But I've always liked shelties. But I'd probably be a fatter dog, like a Saint Bernard. We'll go with Saint Bernard.

They seem like smart and fun dogs, but they're big and pretty clumsy. Otherwise I like Delilah too. She's playful but sometimes kinda stupid. I feel like I'm Delilah.

April 16, 2015

Is there something you'd like to do with someone in your family? What is it?

Laura: Yes. I got this book, "Q&A a Day for Kids" by Betsy France, a 3 year journal with 365 questions - that's 1095 conversations with your kid. I got it to put away into my baby box, which my close friends know has been growing for.. let's just say years, at this point.. But when it arrived, I couldn't help but think what fun it might be for Naveen and I to do it together, as a precursor to the conversations we may have in the future. Plus it's another excuse to write, which I like to do, and don't do enough! And thus, the blog begins. I'm saving the actual book for the kid(s).

Naveen: I'd like to go get beers with Raj and Praveen. I haven't ever really done that and would love to do it, loosen up, and just talk together. There are some cool places in Seattle, like the German bar Raj took us to, and I'd love to go back there. It would be great just to sit down with a beer and talk about our family and life when we were young.